


Sing a Thousand Lullabies

by chailover



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Father Figures, Flash Fic, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26964994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chailover/pseuds/chailover
Summary: Not used but written for the August round of dgray_flashfic for the prompt "Allen". Post-Edo arc, the lyrics to the Song are a mix of the manga and anime fansub translations.
Relationships: Allen Walker & Mana Walker, Kanda Yuu & Allen Walker, Lavi & Allen Walker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Sing a Thousand Lullabies

**Author's Note:**

> Now notes: Archiving some older things that I used to have on LJ only, batch...whatever. This was one of the two dgray_flashfics I worked on, though only one ever got posted there.

**

_…and then the boy falls asleep…_

_…the flames within the breathing ashes, one by one…_

_…rise up and expand into that beloved face…_

_Thousands of dreams, dreams, that pour onto the earth…_

_On the night when those silver eyes trembled, you were born, shining brightly…_

_Millions of years…No matter how many millions of years, return the prayers to Earth._

_I will continue to pray._

_Please give this child love, joined hands, and a kiss._  
  
** 

According to Lavi, he missed the really spectacular show of Kanda blowing up at General Theodore because he had sneaked away to the piano room in the Ark. At the time, Allen didn’t really see what the big deal was, and neither did Kanda. Both of them were too busy holding their smarting ears, courtesy of the Head Nurse. 

But it was something to listen to, and Lavi was a good storyteller. The redhead’s words and gestures, the laughter of the other occupants in the infirmary, even Krory’s loudly grumbling stomach (making his own rumble with sympathy pains) helped break up the monotony of waiting for his body to heal. 

Still, the inactivity was slowly driving him insane, his body stationary in the bed while his mind turned itself over and over on an infinite loop. He almost envied Krory in that respect, at least the other parasitic exorcist was unconscious, getting true rest. 

The nights were the worst, when there was no sound except for everyone’s soft breathing, the occasional rustle of the blankets and Krory’s growling stomach. Then he would close his eyes, and find himself humming the Song. 

“That’s lovely,” one of the night-duty nurses told him while she placed a fresh pitcher of water on the bedstand for anyone who might want a drink. “Where is it from?” 

Allen stammered something about a lullaby and she smiled at him before leaving, closing the door and drowning the room in darkness. He hadn’t even realized he was singing it out loud. 

** 

Thinking about the Song made him think about the score. And he couldn’t think of the score and the crest without thinking of Mana. Thinking about Mana meant thinking about the past, and eventually his thoughts circled to Cross. Where was his Master? 

And then he’d find himself humming the Song, and the cycle started again. 

**

“What is all this?” Allen asked, blinking in surprise when he returned to his bed after another trip to the cafeteria, thankfully not aided by the Head Nurse. Krory’s stomach was still growling, Bookman was still snoring away, but Kanda, Marie and Chaoji’s bedside stands seemed to have sprouted flowers. Each arrangement was easily twice as wide as he was, in cheerful bright reds, yellows and whites. There were fruit baskets by the flowers, and get-well cards. 

Marie looked resigned as Chaoji’s friends exclaimed in admiration over the flowers. “Well…Master is just that sort of person.” He said by way of explanation. 

Lavi was vainly trying to hide his snickers in his pillow. Allen crawled back into bed and noticed Kanda wasn’t back yet. “What’s so funny?” He whispered to the apprentice Bookman. 

“Yuu’s face…” the redhead managed to choke out. “I can’t wait to see his _face_!” 

** 

Kanda took one look at the flowers and took the bunch by his bedside, tossing it callously into the trash. Allen rescued the fruit-basket from a similar fate, protesting against the waste of food (a horrible sin to all conformers with parasitic Innocence). 

“That’s just mean,” Allen complained while munching on a pear, since Kanda didn’t want anything to do with it. “You shouldn’t throw away the flowers that others brought for you.” 

“Shut up.” Kanda growled. Just for good measure, he shredded the card too. 

** 

They were always on the move, and he was always hungry and a bit cold. But Mana would give him extra helpings from his own plate, and took one of his old coats and (drastically) shortened the sleeves and hems until Allen could wear it without tripping. 

The first time Allen got candy, he crunched through it in five seconds. The sweetness lingered in his mouth, but not for long. Mana laughed at him, and Allen learned to make them last. 

They didn’t really have money for the candy or the extra food. But Mana always seemed to know when he was feeling hungry, and would stop at a corner to perform for a few extra coins. Allen never forgot how warm he felt in that ragged coat or the sweetness of the candy, melting on his tongue. 

** 

He woke to shouting and the sound of things being knocked over. Turning over and pulling his blankets to cover his head, Allen groaned and mumbled a, “Kanda, _shut up_ ,” blearily in that general direction and tried to go back to the sweet oblivion of sleep. He was mostly successful. 

There were more flowers when he woke up, a new arrangement on Kanda’s bedstand, looking a bit beat-up but standing bravely nonetheless, and new cards for everyone. Allen rubbed at his eyes as he saw some flowers for him as well, from the Science department and Jerry. 

This time he felt strong and awake enough to rescue Kanda’s flowers as well as the gift-basket. Allen used the same argument as last time – it was plain ungrateful and mean to treat symbols of others’ well wishes and kindness in such a way. 

Kanda, predictably, didn’t give a damn. In the end it was Lavi and Marie that saved the gifts by bringing up the very good point that throwing them away now would just mean that General Theodore would be back tomorrow, with _more_. 

** 

In his dreams, Mana smiled at him, touched his head with a warm hand. Mana, handing him candy. Mana, with his grotesque, mechanical face and bladed arms, turned toward him with his last words. 

_Allen…I love you…kill me…_

And then the score would float into his mind’s eye. How much of that was truth, and how much of that was a lie? What if…it had all been a lie? 

_Keep walking, Allen. Never stop._

It felt like the world had stopped. He could not turn back to the time before he knew of the Ark, of the Song. Before he could move forward, he needed to know the connection between Mana and the Player. But he had the feeling that in that direction was a deep abyss, and taking a step before knowing what was in the darkness would mean falling to his death. 

And so, he could not move back, nor could he move forward. 

** 

The voices that woke him this time were gentler, lacking in volume. But his dream had left him with an unsettled feeling even though he couldn’t quite remember what it was about, so he opened his eyes. 

“Ah, sorry. Did we wake you?” For all the flowers that he had sent, this was actually the first time that Allen saw General Theodore visit. The gray-haired man was sitting by Marie’s bed, cutting up an apple. Chaoji and Lavi were also sitting on Marie’s bed, and it seemed like the four of them had been chatting. 

Allen shot Kanda’s bed a look. It was empty. 

“Ahh, Yuu-kun went missing again,” Theodore chuckled. “I’m sure the Head Nurse will be back with him shortly. In the meantime…” He reached over to the bed stand and brought a plate of biscuits into view. “Please, have some.”

Let it not be said that Allen Walker ever turned down free cookies. 

** 

Kanda hated sweet things, so of course he tried to throw the cookies away too. Allen felt obscurely angry as he rescued the poor baked goods from Kanda’s evil grasp, again. 

“You are such a glutton.” Kanda sneered as Allen held the baked goods to his chest protectively. If they fought any louder, they would draw the Head Nurse’s attention, so they were at an impasse. Allen glared. 

“And _you_ are such an ungrateful git,” he bit back, the words coming out so sharply that it even stopped Lavi’s antics for a second. Kanda held Allen’s glare, and the redhead peered at the dark cloud now surrounding his friends and wisely edged out of the line of fire between the two beds. 

“Um, guys…?” 

Allen looked away first. “I’m going to sleep.” he mumbled under his breath, lying down and pulling his blankets up over his head. The small package of cookies probably would be crushed by tomorrow morning, if he didn’t sleep-eat them first, but he didn’t care. 

** 

He didn’t get it. He just _didn’t get it_. Was Kanda really so stupid as to not know that he needed to appreciate having a father, before— 

But Allen could not continue that thought, even as angry as he was at Kanda. He wouldn’t wish that particular ‘it’s too late’ on anyone.

**

Allen remembered the snow and the cold. It had turned into slush under him, where he sat against Mana’s marker, soaking into his coat (from Mana) and his pants. His tears were warm though, and didn’t start freezing until they dripped off his cheeks. 

Back then, he didn’t know the sadness and pain of the Akuma. He only knew of his own sadness, his own pain, _Mana was gone_ , and the end of his own world. 

He knew the pain of being the one left behind. 

**

End

**Author's Note:**

> ...I actually like this one better after a period of separation. Hm, go figure.


End file.
